This post is written by Cephas Tope, originally published on livepurposefullynow.com
We want to experience different things in life.
We want to have a future that probably doesn’t bear any resemblance to the life we live right now, yet one of the greatest obstacles to any kind of transformation are poisonous, self judgmental thoughts, and we all have them.
Based on these thoughts, opinions and conclusions are reached, which are mostly negative, and often produce feelings such as anxiety, anger, and depression.
It doesn’t matter the position we find ourselves, we all at a point fall victim to negative self-talk and judgment which lowers our self-esteem and prevents us from discovering and achieving that which we were made for.
Negative thoughts are inevitable.
You cannot stop a thought from coming into your mind, but only you control the meaning you attach it.
An easy solution to stop being so self judgmental is to stop assigning meanings to these thoughts, because once you start assigning meanings, you begin to give them momentum and they finally override your will and weigh you down.
Louise Hay put it this way, “Remember you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
The difference between judging who you are and observing who you are is that the first one can only lead to self-doubt, whilst the second one leads to the transformation we desire.
My hope is that these three hacks will help you stop being self judgmental, boost your self-esteem, and help you lead a more fulfilling life.
It is crucial for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable.” ~ Maya Angelou
No one is perfect; we all make mistakes; we all suck at something. Seeing yourself in the light of not being perfect will help you learn more acceptance.
It is imperative that you forgive yourself for whatever you think you didn’t do right, and that includes even when you overeat, sleep too much or procrastinate on important things.
This is important because if you hold on to your mistakes, you find it hard to look at your own reflection in the mirror because the mistake stands between you and the mirror; so all you can see are the mistakes you’ve made and not the person you’re capable of becoming.
You are affected by the way you see and feel about yourself. You can easily overcome what others think of you, but it’s much harder to overcome what you feel about yourself.
Most people would instead go with the much more comfortable way of covering up their mistake and not having to deal with it or accept it.
“The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet.” ~ JoyBell C.
Instead of covering up your mistakes accepting them and facing them is your first step to quit being self judgmental.
2. Change your perspective
Unwholesome self judgmental thoughts if not tackled early, become a habit and something you do unconsciously.
It becomes a kind of default or mindset that is hard to break.
To put an end to self-criticism, you need to quit the habit of negative self-talk. They key thing here is to start changing your thoughts and words.
To do this, you might want to pay more attention to the stories you’re telling yourself first, because it is mostly those stories that influence the words you speak.
Also, you might want to start seeing yourself in a better way and resist the habit of calling yourself negative names like ugly, fat, or shy.
If you think you’re overweight and want to lose some pounds, but you can’t stay committed, do not go about it criticizing yourself, instead try doing things you would do if you lost some pounds.
Try adjusting your dress sense and wearing a bright smile.
If you think you’re foolish, shy, or not smart and maybe incompetent at some tasks, start by challenging yourself to do those things you think you cannot do.
Focus on your positive achievements, those things you are good at doing, because the more you talk or think about yourself negatively, the more your mind is being wired to believe it.
Quit the habit of negative self-talk today and start seeing yourself through a new perspective. If you do that, you will develop more love and compassion toward yourself and others.
3. Give up being self judgmental through comparison with others
Comparing yourself with others is like waging war against your own self.
Finding your own path in life and following it through will spare you from the agony comparison brings.
Because as Shaun Nestor said: “Everything in life is easier when you don’t concern yourself with what everybody else is doing.”
Most times you try to see what others are doing, hiding behind the idea that you want to be challenged, but truth be told this often tends to end up with you experiencing feelings of envy and jealousy because the other person is doing better than you.
And this in turn starts the cycle of self-criticism and feelings of being incompetent.
Comparing yourself with others will never bring you anything good. It would be more beneficial to you if you simply observed how they overcome each obstacle they faced and stopped trying to measure up to them.
Do this instead, start learning from their mistakes, that will give you more ideas on how to tackle your own limitations.
You can then direct your energy to take actions on important things in your own life instead of focusing on others.
Stop comparing yourself with others and focus on how you can become the best version of you today.
You are in the driver’s seat of your life, and you must take the responsibility of reaching your destination, whether your path is crooked and filled with bumps that slow you down, you must get past your obstacles and let nothing limit you.
Give it your all, give it your best, and you’re sure to win!
And to win requires that you stop being your own worst enemy and let go of self judgmental thinking.